


I Can't Keep Him

by LilianaSnow



Series: Pen [1]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Adopted Peter, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Babies, Childbirth, Childhood, Danger, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Goodbyes, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mpreg, Pictures, Protectiveness, Regret, Sad and Happy, Safe Haven, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, True Love, Video, missing out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-15 04:22:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16926432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianaSnow/pseuds/LilianaSnow
Summary: Erik and Charles have to give up their boy.





	I Can't Keep Him

Charles sat down and curled into Erik's arms. He cried softly.

"Erik, I can't keep him," he sobbed softly. "Not if I am going to be turning this place into the school. Not if we keep doing what we do."

"H-Him?" Erik asked, rubbing the telepath's back and looking at the swell of his stomach. "He's a boy?"

Charles nodded, curling tighter as if they weren't sitting on a couch in the living room with no shortage of space. "And I can't keep him... I just can't..."

Erik sighed. "Why not, baby? We could raise him together, here. He could be one of our first students."

"B-But he'd be in danger," he whimpered. "They almost killed me last time I went out. I can't raise a baby who people wanna kill."

"What do you suppose we do, then?"

"We have to have someone take him." Charles looked up at him with wide blue eyes, made bluer by the tears streaming down his face. "We have to give up our baby, Erik."

Erik nodded, though it pained him to do so. "We'll find someone to take care of him."

Charles nodded too, curling close into his chest and sobbing out some more. He loved his baby, and Erik did too. It would be hell to have to give him up. However, Erik knew Charles was right.

"We'll find someone who'll keep him away from all this. When we can keep him just as safe, we'll find him and bring him back home."

Charles shook violently as he cried, curling his fingers tightly around Erik's shirt. He accidentally ripped the turtleneck, but Erik said nothing. He could sew it later.

For now, Erik gently kissed Charles' head, holding him close and rubbing his back. As Charles held his stomach, Erik gently pulled him close and lifted him into the air. Charles looked up at him and wrapped an arm around him.

"Wh-Where are we going?" he choked.

"Bed." He gently kissed his head. "You need rest, _mein leibling."_

Charles held him tighter, crying more. He wanted to hold his baby close. He wanted to keep his family. He wanted nothing but for his family to stay safe. But Erik was right. He needed to sleep. He closed his eyes and let Erik tuck him in and sing soothingly to him.

Charles felt his worries slip away as Erik gently pressed kisses to his head, his cheek, his shoulder, his arm. He let Erik kiss his sore muscles and rub circles into his skin. He slipped off to sleep while Erik dried his tears.

* * *

Erik took it upon himself to interview the nonmutants who signed up to take their baby boy. There were men and women who offered services from all around the globe.

Charles had asked that Erik allow him to thoroughly search the mind of his final choice. He requested that the person not be abusive and to live on the continent of he school. Erik took these requests and told him that he would find someone that fit. There was eventually only one woman left, who Erik decided was okay. He didn't want to keep looking, and she was closest to perfect he could get. In another life, he could se himself making a life with a man similar- not a more pleasing one than the one he had with Charles, but enough that he approved her for the battery Raven and Charles would put her through.

She had been adopted herself, and she hadn't been around drunks to her knowledge. She had her own child on the way, a daughter.

She survived at Charles' six-month mark. She was sent back home until Charles went into labor.

"Thank you, Erik," Charles told him wetly when she got on her plane.

 _"_ _Natürlich meine Liebe,"_ he replied softly, gathering him into his arms. "I'll always do what you need me to."

Charles nodded, sobbing again and grabbing at his shirt. "Erik, I don't want to have to give up my baby."

"I know,  _Liebe,_ I know," he whispered softly.

"I love him so much... I'd rather die..."

"Charles,  _Schatz,_ it's okay. You won't lose our little one. I'll make sure of it." He rubbed his lover's back softly, humming softly as Charles curled into that safe space in Erik's chest.

"Promise?" he asked, looking up.

"Promise."

* * *

Charles wrapped himself in the blanket, even though he felt like he was burning up. He mumbled about the pain in his back, thighs, and hips, and how numb his lower legs felt. Erik gently rubbed his arm while Hank ran to grab his supplies. Raven called the woman who had been chosen to take care of their son.

"Erik? If I don't- agh!- if I don't make it, make sure that Peter does. Please," Charles begged. "Please. Take care of him, keep him away from this mess."

Erik nodded softly, holding Charles' hand. Charles whimpered softly as he felt a contraction hit.

"Don't hold back from screaming,  _liebling,_ it's okay," Erik whispered softly to him.

 Charles looked up at him. His entire body was burning up. His stomach felt like he was being stabbed. His face was streaming, with tears, and he held tight to Erik's hand. His knuckles and face went paler than normal and he let himself cry out loud.

"Er-Erik," he choked, pulling him closer. "H-Hurts..."

"I've got you, darling," he told him softly, sitting to help him.

Charles screamed and begged for a painkiller, which Erik couldn't grant without Hank's help. Instead, he just rubbed his side and tried to wait it out with him.

When Hank returned, he gave Charles an epidural. The sharp sting was an unwelcome feeling, but he tried to relax, and when he did he felt relief wash over him.

"Thank you," he gasped out, breathing heavily and looking down at Hank. Unfortunately for Charles, he was a man, and men did not lubricate themselves for birth. This meant that Hank had to do it artificially for him. Erik held Charles' hand tightly as Hank grit his teeth and grabbed medical-grade lubricant. None of them were sure who for- Erik, who looked furious that someone else had his fingers in his boyfriend; Charles, who was ready to faint with pain and sensory overload; or Hank, who was about to either be murdered or die of embarrassment.

"E-Erik, it burns," Charles whimpered, gripping him tighter. "Everything's on fire. Erik, h-help me!"

Erik couldn't do anything but sit there and offer words of encouragement. He whispered _I love you_ s, gently crooned  _You can do this_ es. Charles never once loosened his grip, eventually reaching out with his mind instead of his mouth.

_I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs, I can't... I can't feel my legs._

Hank stopped prepping his friend to pull back and check on things.

"It's only temporary, Charles," Hank assured him. "It's from the pressure."

"FUCK!" he screamed as another contraction hit, bearing down and trying to push. He couldn't do it. 

Hank checked to see how far along he was, and Charles yelped at his touch.

"I'm sorry, Charles," Hank told him, "but you have to stop jerking. You'll rip out the epidural and it'll get worse."

Charles sobbed, entire bed shaking as he forced himself to lay back. The telepath's breaths came in harsh, jagged gasps that hurt his throat and made his lungs flare each time. Erik gently rubbed his chest and whispered encouragement to him.

* * *

 As Hank worked to help bring his friends' child into the world, Raven was bringing the woman who had been approved to try to care for him. They waited a little bit away from them, for Charles' privacy, and spoke over the sound of Charles' pained screams.

"Charles doesn't want to lose his child. He can't bear the thought of missing out on Peter's upbringing."

"I think I can understand," Magda answered. "It sounds like hell to lose your baby. I feel sorry for him."

"Erik wants me to come in and check on Peter from time to time. In disguise."

"We can arrange that."

"I'm taking the form of a man you will say you're dating."

"That's a little bossy-"

"It'll raise less questions than just 'Oh, cool, she's over here now.' I want to see their son and bring back accurate news for them."

"Um... Okay."

* * *

Charles passed out from pain several hours into labor. His body worked without him, pushing each time a contraction hit. Hank gave him a second epidural to try to help with the torment of bringing a child into the world. It worked a little, and he woke after a couple more hours.

Charles moaned out, clutching his stomach and Erik's hand tightly. He was forcing himself not to bring them into the pain, but that didn't stop Erik from feeling a brief contraction when he kissed Charles' head.

"So- Sorry," Charles choked out in between crests of pain.

"No, no, save your strength. Focus on this," Erik whispered. "You'll be okay. Just push."

Charles tightened his grip on Erik's hand, and he screamed, voice shot. Hank ducked down to look at Charles' pseudo-cervix, only to find the baby crowning. He knelt to put his hands underneath the baby and to check to see if he needed to do anything else. He reached for a scalpel.

"Charles, you're crowning. Erik, if you make me lose control of the blade I could seriously hurt Charles or quite possibly kill Peter, so don't do that."

Charles whimpered, face screwing up in agony. He screamed out again and arched his back before Erik made him lie still against the mattress.

Hank opened Charles as best he could without cutting him, but he had to make an incision if they were going to survive. He cut his friend and then set the scalpel up and out of the way so he could catch the infant as he came slipping out.

Charles screamed and broke Erik's little finger as he pushed, crying harder. A few moments after, he noted the smaller, weaker cries mingling with his own, and he gasped for breath.

"Baby, baby," he whimpered. "Give me my baby please."

Hank gave Peter to Charles before stitching and cleaning him up. Charles slowly regained sanity, and he gently shushed the crying baby in his arms. He looked up at Erik and Hank, clear blue eyes still teary but he looked okay.

"I did it. I had a baby."

"You did. He's beautiful," Erik said softly.

"He is," Charles whimpered, hugging him close. "He's perfect. I don't wanna give him up."

"I know, baby," Erik whispered, sitting down next to him. "I don't want to either."

"It isn't fair. He belongs here." Charles looked at him. "Always."

He nodded softly. "He does." He gently pulled Charles close and started massaging his temples. "He belongs here. And you won't lose him. But you need to rest now. Can you do that for me? Can you sleep?"

Charles relaxed begrudgingly, falling asleep rather quickly. Hank reached for Peter.

"What are you doing?" Erik asked, looking at him harshly.

"Cleaning him up. You'll get him back before you have to send him away."

* * *

In the morning, Charles and Erik sat with Raven, Hank, and Magda. Charles looked to be grieving the time when he gave away his baby. He curled closer to Erik and smoothed the infant's silvery hair.

"Magda, you'll take care of him, right?" he asked again. "You'll keep him from getting hurt?"

"Of course."

"O-Okay."

* * *

Charles cried himself to sleep for the fifth night in a row when Raven returned from her first visit to Peter. She was having photos developed of the baby, ones she had taken to give to him. Erik was rubbing his back and offering what little comfort he could, thinking calming things and kissing his head.

"Erik?" Charles asked hoarsely.

"Yes, Charles?"

"Why does it hurt so much?"

"Because you love him. You don't want to give him up, ever."

Charles nodded, sniffling. He cuddled up to Erik and held tight. He curled tightly.

"Honey, you need to relax some, don't curl. You won't heal if you curl so tight." He gently helped him stretch some and massaged his side. Charles cried and closed his eyes. Erik gently held his hand, kissing the tears away. Charles curled closer, slowly slipping into sleep as Erik whispered how they'd bring him home soon.

* * *

Charles bit his lip when Raven told him about Peter's development. He had started crawling and the grocery list was growing as he burned through food. He's said his first word- _mine-_ and he was incredibly resilient. He also had a perpetual fever-one that Erik had noticed before but had blamed it on the struggles of being born.

"Is he sick? Raven?" Charles asked, wide eyed.

"No. He's healthy- just hot." Raven handed him the latest pictures, and he looked at them. His eyes were darkening, and he was smiling in quite a few pictures. "He has a sweet tooth. And he likes music. Like, a lot, his eyes light up."

"Thank you, Raven," Charles whispered, holding them close. "Thank you."

* * *

Raven came back after sitting in a meeting about Peter's first detention. Apparently, he had stolen stuff from other students. He denied ever doing it, and the teachers couldn't prove anything. The stuff simply disappeared from the original owners and reappeared in Peter's book bag. Charles looked at the school photos he had, biting his lip. Peter was smiling smugly, and he was absolutely adorable.

"He's a teleporter. Like Azazel."

"No, they'd be able to see that," Raven said softly. "He's just fast."

He nodded softly, looking up at him. "What happened?"

"No consequences. Not punishing someone that they can't prove guilty."

"Thank you, Raven."

"Of course, Charles."

* * *

Raven kept bringing pictures and bringing stories. She kept Charles in the loop. Charles was grateful.

But Charles was unprepared for the recklessness of him, still. He was surprised by the straight up thievery obvious in his room. He was shocked at his attitude and by him poking around in his wallet-  _What if he found the pictures of himself?!?!? NOBODY else knew about those!-_ and he looked at Hank.

"He's fascinating!"

"He's a pain in the arse," Charles snapped, making his sadness that he hadn't been there to watch him grow. He wanted to be the one who had fended this off. Not Magda. Magda had turned into a drunkard and it disgusted Charles.

"What, a teleporter?" Hank asked, and Charles whimpered internally that he knew who this boy was, that he knew he was just fast. He wanted to tell Hank what Raven had told him but he couldn't.

"No, he's just fast," Logan said, and Charles remembered the words Raven had said all those years ago. "And when I knew him, he wasn't so... Young."

"Young? You're just old," Peter commented around a popsicle.

"So you're not afraid to show your powers?" Hank asked.

"Powers? What powers, what are you talking about? Do you see something strange here?" He looked so pitifully and blissfully cocky that Charles was reminded of Erik. "Nothing anybody would believe if you told them." He zipped to a stolen video game."So who are you? What do you want?"

 _I'm your real mother and I want to take you back home,_ Charles lamented mentally.

"We need your help, Peter," Logan said, almost passively. "To break into a highly secured facility, and to get someone out."

_To meet your father and bring him home too._

"Prison break? That's illegal, you know," Peter answered smugly.

"Um..." Logan looked around at Peter's arcade games and walls of snacks. "Only if you get caught."

"So what's in it for me?" Peter asked, and Charles felt a pang of pain in his heart.

 _To meet your father. To be back where you belong, with me._ He didn't say it. Instead, he made an observation. "You, you kleptomaniac, get to break into the Pentagon."

"How do I know I can trust you?" Peter asked, turning around suspiciously.

"Because we're just like you," Logan informed him.

 _Ask Magda how you can trust me, Peter, I birthed you- I_ named _you!_ Charles thought desperately. "Show him," he told Logan.

Logan, stone faced, held up his hand and called out his bone claws. He looked at him with no emotion.

"That's cool, but it's disgusting," Peter told him.

* * *

When Charles took Erik home, the first thing he did was drag him to his room. He ensured Peter was off with someone else before pulling up a floorboard from the closet. Inside was a locked box. From around his neck he took the key and unlocked it, then unlocked the second lock- which was code-activated- with a code only he and Erik knew, the Hebrew name Erik had wanted to give Peter before they had to send him away. In this box was an envelope, which Charles opened and pulled out the contents of. He handed it to Erik.

"These are... These are our Peter," Erik whispered softly. He hadn't gotten all of he pictures. He'd been away too long. He'd forgotten his son's hair color.

"They are."

He looked through them, seeing all of them, and when he saw the pictures where it was obvious that this was the same Peter who had gotten him out of prison, he sat back and put his head in his hands. "My son... That's our baby boy out there."

"Yeah. That's our baby." He looked at him. "He's a cocky kleptomaniac who loves music and thinks I hate him."

"Surely he doesn't... Does he know?"

"No. You should tell him you're his father."

"You tell him you're his mother."

"He won't believe me. He was never told he was adopted."

Erik nodded softly. "I'll tell him."

* * *

Peter moved out too soon- he was seventeen. He stopped working with them as often. Charles cried himself to sleep in Erik's arms yet again.

"When can I tell him?"


End file.
